Trump Suggests Insane New Motive for Invading Greenland

President Trump spent a large part of his Wednesday morning ranting on Truth Social, with one of those rants concerning how helpless NATO is without him, how he ended eight wars, and how he still deserves the Nobel Peace Prize—even though he swears he doesn’t really care.

“Remember, for all of those big NATO fans, they were at 2% GDP, and most weren’t paying their bills, UNTIL I CAME ALONG. The USA was, foolishly, paying for them! I, respectfully, got them to 5% GDP, AND THEY PAY, immediately,” he wrote. “Everyone said that couldn’t be done, but it could, because, beyond all else, they are all my friends. Without my involvement, Russia would have ALL OF UKRAINE right now.”