The Real-Time Memeification of the Real-Life Conclave

Ladies, start your engines! Vatican City is popping off this week as the 133-strong College of Cardinals gather in their infamous 800-year-old conclave—a lock-in where phones are confiscated, the Sistine Chapel is bug-checked, and all the windows are covered—to decide the next Bishop of Rome (also known as the pope). After this morning’s mass at St. Peter’s Basilica, and a quick vow of secrecy (thrillingly dramatic!), the papal conclave is officially on, a cardinal Drag Race that sees the winner announced, teenage-vape-erly, with white smoke from a much livestream-ed chimney.

From a non-religious perceptive, the sense of reverent occasion is palpable, rippling out from Rome. It’s hard not to be seduced by the aesthetic—the extreme pageantry, the distinguished cardinals, shoulders heavy with scarlet cassocks and duty—the anticipating crowds, the restrained-but-clearly-excited nuns. Electing the 267th Roman Pontiff is an unwaveringly serious business, a solemn and hallowed affair…but our fascination with the ceremony hasn’t stopped the internet coming through with some lols.